September changes

Not just the weather, but OMG, I'm so glad we will start seeing cooler temperatures, it's been brutal in Ohio this year!

No, my little family needs a serious make over.  Inside and out...

Our little Evil One decided eating is over rated, tantrums are awesome and has decided to start biting.  So timeouts are now being heavily enforced.

Our finances have been AWFUL! (who's isn't?!?!)  Overspending, things breaking that HAD to be repaired, forgotten payments and late fees, emergency dental work...CHA CHING CHA CHING CHA CHING!

Me...physically?  Well, I'm struggling, as usual.  I don't know what it is mentally that makes me ignore myself physically, it's just something in my head.  I had an emergency root canal, the first time I've ever had anything wrong w/ my teeth!  All the scheduling for that really threw off what I was doing to work out, so I started neglecting that, which lead to neglecting any healthy eating.  I saw my OB for my annual/bi annual check up, last week and she gave me a reality check.  Over the last 6 years I've had repeat abnormal pap's and diagnosed w/ HPV.  It's not changed or spread, but I have a pap done almost every 6 months to make sure nothing needs to be addressed.  While talking to her I brought up the fact that I've been "trying" to lose weight and I'm having no success, maybe it was a horomonal issue?  In a nutshell she told me to get off my big butt and hit the cardio and hit it hard.  I cried...nothing unusual for visits w/ her, she's wonderful, but doesn't pull any punches.  She talked w/ me about my eating habits and pushed cardio cardio cardio.  My husband recently became a distributor for Advocare (I'll add his link at another time), it helps w/ weight loss and has some wonderful products, that actually taste good.  I'm trying to buckle down and dedicate myself to his products, meal planning, using WW's and planning workouts. 

In not taking care of myself, I haven't taken time for myself, away from my little family, so I finally did!  I had a girls day out yesterday that I sooooooooo needed.  I went to the WGAR Country Jam w/ a couple of friends, an all day music festival.  It was a BLAST!  I made some poor decisions, but as an adult, thankfully I'm responsible enough to say "WTF was I THINKING!" and plan on not doing those things again.  And I told my husband about the whole day, leaving no details out.  Even when I make stupid decisions, I know my husband will just shake his head and listen.  He knows I've already berated myself, there is no need for him too.  Today I'm sunburned, hoarse and TIRED! 

So onto goals for September...
1.  Write our calendar for the month including our work schedules, appointments, and all bills.
2.  Write down all spending, in personal and joint accounts.
3.  Work out daily...Evie likes to go places...so walk there!  Pick up on cardio, no excuses.
4.  Make a date night and celebrate our relationship and nurture it to it's fullest!
5.  Schedule an appointment w/ the counselor. 

Hmmm, Dedication.

Dedication

Yep, I really have none.  Zero, zip, zilch!  I don't know why.  It's extremely confusing to me because I was always pushed by my parents.  Case in point, my junior year in highschool I said I was too dumb for college and I was just going to get a job at McDonald's and do that.  My Mom said "NO WAY IN HELL!"  She didn't mean anything against McDonald's employees, she was one for 12-14 yrs!  She was a manager and she did extremely well, then she decided it wasn't enough for her, she had a drive to do something else.  So when I was 3 yrs old she went back to school to become a nurse.  She worked at McDonald's and took 1-2 classes per quarter for 6 years!  She graduated when I was 9 and has been a nurse ever since!  She had some serious dedication, determination and drive.  She gave that to me, when it comes to learning...book learning. 

My parents, mainly Mom, pushed and pushed and pushed for me to study and learn and it paid off.  I graduated 44th in my class of almost 480 people.  I was on Honor Roll and National Honor Society.  I worked my ass to the bone to get straight A's my junior and senior year to get there.  I hated every stinking minute of it!  I felt no pride in what I was doing, it was just more hard work.  But I had dedication, I made a goal, stuck to it and I succeeded. 

Why oh why, can't I find that dedication any longer?  In anything?  I make a plan, do it for a week maybe a month, slack off, start all over again.  House cleaning, cooking, laundry, weight loss...yep, start it, quit it...start it, quit it.  So frustrating and I can't seem to dig deep enough to find the dedication I need.

So back to square one...Weight loss!
Where am I?  2lbs down as of last Sunday.  Why am I 2 lbs down you ask?  Well, b/c I had an emergency root canal and I've had to eat on one side of my mouth for a week or more.  How have I done this week?  Well, I have not eaten fast food, but I have had an Almond Joy, cheese popcorn and chocolate milk.  My hubby has been on dayshift this week so we've actually had family meals (UNHEARD OF!), but we've also had ice cream every night after the little one has gone to bed.  Will I be down any more weight?  Doubtful, mainly because I haven't tracked (IT'S RIGHT ON YOUR PHONE AND YOU HAVE INTERNET AGAIN! WHAT IS KEEPING YOU FROM DOING IT?!?!?!) So frustrating...I have the want, the DESIRE, but not the DEDICATION or WILLPOWER!

Again, how do I find it?  It's in me, I know it is.  I found it 15 years ago (OMG, that's a long time!)...I need to find it again!