Dedication

Yep, I really have none.  Zero, zip, zilch!  I don't know why.  It's extremely confusing to me because I was always pushed by my parents.  Case in point, my junior year in highschool I said I was too dumb for college and I was just going to get a job at McDonald's and do that.  My Mom said "NO WAY IN HELL!"  She didn't mean anything against McDonald's employees, she was one for 12-14 yrs!  She was a manager and she did extremely well, then she decided it wasn't enough for her, she had a drive to do something else.  So when I was 3 yrs old she went back to school to become a nurse.  She worked at McDonald's and took 1-2 classes per quarter for 6 years!  She graduated when I was 9 and has been a nurse ever since!  She had some serious dedication, determination and drive.  She gave that to me, when it comes to learning...book learning. 

My parents, mainly Mom, pushed and pushed and pushed for me to study and learn and it paid off.  I graduated 44th in my class of almost 480 people.  I was on Honor Roll and National Honor Society.  I worked my ass to the bone to get straight A's my junior and senior year to get there.  I hated every stinking minute of it!  I felt no pride in what I was doing, it was just more hard work.  But I had dedication, I made a goal, stuck to it and I succeeded. 

Why oh why, can't I find that dedication any longer?  In anything?  I make a plan, do it for a week maybe a month, slack off, start all over again.  House cleaning, cooking, laundry, weight loss...yep, start it, quit it...start it, quit it.  So frustrating and I can't seem to dig deep enough to find the dedication I need.

So back to square one...Weight loss!
Where am I?  2lbs down as of last Sunday.  Why am I 2 lbs down you ask?  Well, b/c I had an emergency root canal and I've had to eat on one side of my mouth for a week or more.  How have I done this week?  Well, I have not eaten fast food, but I have had an Almond Joy, cheese popcorn and chocolate milk.  My hubby has been on dayshift this week so we've actually had family meals (UNHEARD OF!), but we've also had ice cream every night after the little one has gone to bed.  Will I be down any more weight?  Doubtful, mainly because I haven't tracked (IT'S RIGHT ON YOUR PHONE AND YOU HAVE INTERNET AGAIN! WHAT IS KEEPING YOU FROM DOING IT?!?!?!) So frustrating...I have the want, the DESIRE, but not the DEDICATION or WILLPOWER!

Again, how do I find it?  It's in me, I know it is.  I found it 15 years ago (OMG, that's a long time!)...I need to find it again!